Looking for God in Others
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My storyāin my own voice!
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Trying desperately to reconcile the stories being told with the woman I knew, I looked up and searched my mother-in-lawās face. And from the carefully selected, blown-up photograph next to her urn, she stared right back at me.
Itās no secret that our relationship had been a difficult one. We had little in common, and I often found her difficult to love. I suspect if you had asked her, she would have said the same of me. Regardless, for twenty-six years we found ourselves linkedānot because we chose one another. Rather, because we both loved the same man: my husband, her son.
But as I sat alongside my husband and sons in the front row of her funeral, I found myself listening to a eulogy I hadnāt anticipated. This eulogy, given by her niece, painted a picture of a beautiful woman. A woman whose spirit revealed Godās overflowing generosity. And to be honest, a woman Iād never seen before. As I reflected on our often-strained relationship, the irony of this eulogy accosted me. You see, the traits others were elaborately praising were the very ones that so often annoyed me.
How was it that the specific traits I found so intrusive and irksome could sound so beautiful when described by another?
This is the question that harassed me for weeks following her funeral. And as I wrestled it, I was slowly drawn to evaluate my role in our relationship. And this led me to deeperāand harderāquestions:
Why had I been unable to see my mother-in-law as her niece had?
Why had I been unable to see the beautiful way she reflected Godās love?
And if I was honest, did I think I had actually loved her the way Jesus calls us to love one another?
Jesus instructs us all to love our neighbors as ourselves. He instructs us to love our neighbors as He has loved us. This love is what the Church refers to as Charity, and as we carry out Jesusā command, we make manifest Godās Love in the world.
Butā¦.
Love my neighbor as myself??
Love my neighbor as Jesus has loved me??
This is fine and good when my neighbor is easy to love.
But how do I do this when my neighbor is someone I find difficult to love?
Sitting with all of these questions I slowly realized I had spent years focusing on what I considered to be my mother-in-lawās more challenging personality traits. And this focus had prevented me from ever seeing anything else. Not once had I attempted to see the way she imaged Godās Love. And I never saw God in her because I never looked for God in her. Admitting this about myself filled me with guilt and sorrow. But the realization that I had missed the unique opportunity to love God through loving her, and to receive His love through her, gave way to grief and heartache.
Scripture tells us each person has been created in Godās image and likeness (Genesis 1). The sad truth, though, is that weāve all been wounded by this world, and as a result, the way we reflect His image is all too often warped. So if weāre not intentional about looking for God in others, thereās a really good chance we wonāt see Him.
With absolute certainty the love I offer needs great purification. But I suspect Iāll only be able to love others as Jesus calls me to when Iām first able to look at the person in front of me and see beyond their broken humanity. And then, with great intentionāand even greater Graceāwhen I view each person through a lens that seeks to discover the beauty of God within, beauty that exists simply because they were made in Godās image. Because I think it is only when I can see God in my neighbor that Iāll truly be able to love with Charity.
May God give me the eyes to see how each person whose path I cross has been made in His image, and as always, may He breathe life into these words.
Itās no secret that our relationship had been a difficult one. We had little in common, and I often found her difficult to love. I suspect if you had asked her, she would have said the same of me. Regardless, for twenty-six years we found ourselves linkedānot because we chose one another. Rather, because we both loved the same man: my husband, her son.
But as I sat alongside my husband and sons in the front row of her funeral, I found myself listening to a eulogy I hadnāt anticipated. This eulogy, given by her niece, painted a picture of a beautiful woman. A woman whose spirit revealed Godās overflowing generosity. And to be honest, a woman Iād never seen before. As I reflected on our often-strained relationship, the irony of this eulogy accosted me. You see, the traits others were elaborately praising were the very ones that so often annoyed me.
How was it that the specific traits I found so intrusive and irksome could sound so beautiful when described by another?
This is the question that harassed me for weeks following her funeral. And as I wrestled it, I was slowly drawn to evaluate my role in our relationship. And this led me to deeperāand harderāquestions:
Why had I been unable to see my mother-in-law as her niece had?
Why had I been unable to see the beautiful way she reflected Godās love?
And if I was honest, did I think I had actually loved her the way Jesus calls us to love one another?
***
Jesus instructs us all to love our neighbors as ourselves. He instructs us to love our neighbors as He has loved us. This love is what the Church refers to as Charity, and as we carry out Jesusā command, we make manifest Godās Love in the world.
Butā¦.
Love my neighbor as myself??
Love my neighbor as Jesus has loved me??
This is fine and good when my neighbor is easy to love.
But how do I do this when my neighbor is someone I find difficult to love?
Sitting with all of these questions I slowly realized I had spent years focusing on what I considered to be my mother-in-lawās more challenging personality traits. And this focus had prevented me from ever seeing anything else. Not once had I attempted to see the way she imaged Godās Love. And I never saw God in her because I never looked for God in her. Admitting this about myself filled me with guilt and sorrow. But the realization that I had missed the unique opportunity to love God through loving her, and to receive His love through her, gave way to grief and heartache.
Scripture tells us each person has been created in Godās image and likeness (Genesis 1). The sad truth, though, is that weāve all been wounded by this world, and as a result, the way we reflect His image is all too often warped. So if weāre not intentional about looking for God in others, thereās a really good chance we wonāt see Him.
With absolute certainty the love I offer needs great purification. But I suspect Iāll only be able to love others as Jesus calls me to when Iām first able to look at the person in front of me and see beyond their broken humanity. And then, with great intentionāand even greater Graceāwhen I view each person through a lens that seeks to discover the beauty of God within, beauty that exists simply because they were made in Godās image. Because I think it is only when I can see God in my neighbor that Iāll truly be able to love with Charity.
May God give me the eyes to see how each person whose path I cross has been made in His image, and as always, may He breathe life into these words.
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(blessed by these words? feel free to share, so you can bless others.)
This is so true of all of us. Beautiful reflection and food for thought.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteThank you for sharing your story of your husband's mother. I had some of the same struggles with my mother-in-law, until about 3-5 years ago. (I am now married 51 years) Someone gave me food for thought! Thus after speaking with this individual I saw my husband's mother through a different set of glasses.
ReplyDeleteThanks be to God for showing you that other lens!
Delete