The seeds we sow. The tears we shed.

Sowing while weeping.

I don’t remember the song title or even the lyrics; I only know it was my first time ever listening to Christian music. The song’s link was at the end of a CaringBridge post written by a woman I did not know. Her husband, who I did know, had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, and it was clear from her post that their world had flipped upside down. 

I was no stranger to struggle; my own family was walking through unwanted health issues at the same time. But I knew objectively their situation was far worse than mine. There was no mistaking the pain and deep sorrow in their hearts as I read the latest update, and I was certain tears had been shed as the words were written. And yet, I could not miss that something else was laced throughout the words. Something I did not understand, but knew I wanted: An inner peace and persevering hope that called out to my aching and faith-less heart. 

As a result of those written-through-tears CaringBridge entries, my own faith journey took off, and I soon encountered the Lord in a life-changing way. I later sent a letter to the woman who’d authored those entries, thanking her for bearing her heart as she shared their story. I wanted her to know that her words had changed the trajectory of my life, that the pain she’d endured and tears she had shed were not in vain. I wanted her to know that the seeds of faith she’d unintentionally dropped while her own heart broke had taken root deep in my soul, and I was eternally grateful. Several years after sending that letter I was blessed to meet the woman behind the words, and as we hugged one another that day it was difficult to know whose tears were whose… but I do know, in that moment, ours were tears of joy. 

Those who go forth weeping, carrying sacks of seed, will return with cries of joy, carrying their bundled sheaves. ~Psalm 126:6

Weeping while sowing.

I don’t remember the song title or even the lyrics; I only remember my tears. Tears that flowed freely as the worship song coming through my earbuds collided with the ache in my heart–all while I tried to fold the laundry. For years I’ve watched a loved one struggle with one issue after another, simultaneously praying for the day he finally meets Jesus. I’m not naive enough to think all his problems will disappear once he knows the Lord, but I’m certain that resting in his true identity as beloved son will only help to usher in the healing his heart needs and the peace he longs for. 

Dropping to the laundry room floor that day, I succumbed to my tears. Intentionally clinging to my faith, I have not abandoned hope... but the truth is, sometimes this hope is painful. Sometimes this hope is mixed with sorrow and frustration. And sometimes this hope even feels hopeless, as I’ve spent years intentionally dropping faith’s seeds onto a path that often looks dryer and rockier today than it did yesterday.

The song ended, and taking a deep breath, I wiped my eyes. Glancing at the pile of laundry that still needed folding I stood back up, but not before I picked up my phone and turned on the Hope Playlist I've created for moments such as this. One hope-filled song after another filled my ears, and I was slowly reminded of the truth: My job is only to sow the seeds. It is the Lord who will bring the rain, ultimately effecting change in my loved one’s heart. Focusing on the music as I turned back to the laundry, a sliver of hope took root in my heart, and my resolve to persevere strengthened.

Those who sow in tears will reap with cries of joy.  ~Psalm 126:5

Sometimes I wonder what yields the greater harvest: Is it when we live out our faith, sowing seeds without trying while enduring the pains of our broken world?  Or is it when we persevere, tirelessly sowing faith’s seeds even when it brings us to tears? I don’t know the answer. But perhaps it doesn’t matter. Perhaps the only thing that really matters is that regardless of our tears, we never stop living out our faith. And in the very same way, that we never stop sowing.

Whether you currently find yourself sowing while weeping or weeping while sowing, I pray God brings the rain. And as always, that He breathes life into these words. 

Blessed by these words?

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